Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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