We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Sober January is a disaster.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
