Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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