I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
