Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
