i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
