i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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