he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
