Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
