I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize