Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My feet surprised me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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