her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
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