Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
