Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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