There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
