Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
they call him Oral-B. enough said
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize