I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
