My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
a search helicopter?!
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
