I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
