can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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