in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
