So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
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