You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
