I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
You smell like stripper and shame
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize