She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
