If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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