Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
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