watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
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