walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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