I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
