i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize