...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
