To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
