thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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