Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
