dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
