There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize