Are we in a gay sports bar?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
