We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
