Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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