just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
