I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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