I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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