I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
