You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
