I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
