Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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