I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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