awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
