just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
