you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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