I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
