I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize