how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize