In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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