sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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