i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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