I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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