Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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