This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
