If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
