Farmville is her only friend.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
He passed out mid-signature
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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