when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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