There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
