Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
