I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize