Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I need a beard to bite.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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